An opportunity in the US of A meant a lot to the others , in college and in the fresher days. But then I was not too keen on it. Why ? I am not too sure of what my 'complex' mind thoughts were back then. But I remember my concern about my mom being alone and me far away in a foreign land.
Later , after gaining enough experience to be regarded as a senior techie, it dawned on me that all others had onsite experience. It soon became a complex within me and I guess I showed the effects of it on my husband.
Soon , I was bound to the town. Family , A little son, Our own house and the normal ties. Oh yes loans on the house.
After Pran was born , I rarely got time to myself. He needed me or was it that I needed him ? Now , I am not so sure.
One week I took a couple of days vacation to visit mom and be the 'old me'(or is it the 'young me') in my hometown. I always loved it there.. coz Pran was so taken care of ..he was so busy with the other kids..I had all the time to myself.
And it was then that P , my boss, called me to check with me if I could travel to US for 6 months. And as always, my phone was still inside the travel bag and I did not hear it ring.
She called my husband , they are friends, and he said "YES' .
I would have said no, to leave my son for 6 months was not possible to me then. I would not have given it a second thought.
They processed my travel , and it was all so quick and fast that I could not back out. The next few days was a complete wreck. I was going through a huge emotional crisis... a part of me wanted to take the opportunity ... but images of Pran crying for 'Amma' , Pran going through an emotional stress and havoc. .. flooded me.
I still am filled with a sense of relief and gratitude to the Almighty for having made Pranav the way he is. He needs reasons. He has to be convinced . Once convinced , he is good . I told him stories about a boy's mom who went to 'America'. I reasoned with him ... that mom's do need to travel.,.. and it may for a long long time... hundred days.. to him hundred is a big big number.
Again fortunately for me , the company agreed to process their visit and fund their travel though we were in the midst of a merger and policies were all haywire. We decided that I could first travel and then the husband and son could join me after 3 months .
It was a difficult decision... convincing Pranav was the easiest... convincing some others were not so. People who put in the good 'momma's list wud have reconsidered. I dont need to be in it anyway. But sometimes it hurts, when people point out that he is doing good , yes , but it wasnt right of me.
He is having a gala time back home, with his 'ammamma' and papa. Well , the reason i could travel was because he was so comfy and attached to ammamma. She not only pampered him , like all grandmoms, but ensured that she was strict with him. Scolding him, making the best food for him, taking him out to the parks and playgrounds... doing what he wants her to and yes scolding him again.
He loves her , that made a huge difference ..
Well , now that I am here in the US.. it does feel good to be working with such great people. But its quite lonely , especially the weekends.. Well... things will be better once the weather is good :)